The Truth About Me-self

Yesterday evening one of my uncles calls me over the phone. "Hello", I says. "Ye. Hi, are you free right now. Wanted to discuss something important with you. Can you come over?", he says. "Sure. Just give me a few minutes. I need to wash up Tasha . That done, I'd be there", says I. I have a tough time getting Tasha cleaned up and wasting no time, I rush to his place. He has always been a reasonable man and I know that he means it when he says "important". "Hi! How are you?", I ask him on reaching his house. "Fine. Sit down. We need to discuss something important" I take my seat beside him. He looks at me rather thoughtfully and says: "What do you think about marriage?" Now, that was completely unpresidented. I least expected that question from him. But I was happy. He has been staying single and I was glad that he was having thoughts of getting married. At least there'd be someone to look af...

Just a couple of hours back, when I was walking down my street, I saw a little boy playing in a puddle formed by the night's rain. I don't know why, but I froze at the spot and watched him play, unmindful of the many people walking past him. He was all giggling and smiling at himself for himself getting all messed up in the mud. I, for one, has never done that when I was a little kid. But the scene just transported me to the day when my father got me my first bicycle and me spending the day-in and day-out on top of the wheels. I used to live in a quaint little panchayat (something in between a village and a small town) when I was a kid. Having no friends to play with, my lonely hours were spent in roaming the place, exploring the many lonely streets and playing with the street dogs when I was sure no one else was looking. I was lonely even then, my father being my only play mate and him finding not too much time to spend with me because of his job (He was an Ayurveda Doctor)...

I can't help but mention this. I had rather a fun day at my office today. I don't know why, but I felt very light in my heart and head. I guess it was because of that song . I stumbled upon it while browsing the net yesterday night. My God! Life can't be more fulfilling than this. It was my favourite  song when I was a kid and after almost 15 long years I happen to listen to it again! I just got transported to my carefree, happy-go-lucky days. I jotted down the lyrics and bi-hearted the whole song and all this at 2'o clock at night. The tune kept playing at my lips the whole while I was in office and I never knew that this song had a certain infectious nature, for I found a couple and one more of my colleagues searching the net for this same song . They kept playing the same song again and again till afternoon. In the process, I got much more familiar with the song . I should say, I got very through with every notes of it and was quite prepared to sing it by mysel...

I thought I wouldn't write today. But no. I can't keep it to myself for long. Just too many things pulling the strings of my heart and let me tell you, there's no rhythm or melody for the tunes I hear in me. It's as if someone is trying to learn guitar and you can imagine how that would sound. Now, why all this? I consulted a clinical psychologist yesterday to help myself out of smoking. And why do I want to quit smoking? The truth is - "I don't know"! She made me talk about my past and many things that are pent up in my heart just gushed out. I talked about my past love relationship and how it all came to a traumatic end. Though an inevitable end to a 4 and half years long troubled relationship, it has left deep scars in me. I told her about the events that lead to the night when my X threatened me with suicide and how I rushed to her at 2.30 in the night, covering 400 km in 5 and half hours only to find her alive and too eager to break up. And ...

Now, here is something I wanted to talk about since a long while. The difference between a male and a female in this country and how the mere configuration of those X and Y chromosomes makes your life different in this planet. Let me begin by saying that this post and my thoughts may not mean anything to fellow bloggers who are from the more socially liberated countries of the world. I'm also skeptical about how many of the women folk would agree with what I say. Yet... I think it's high time I addressed this issue. And mind you, this would, for sure, blow out to be a real social issue in the not so distant future. In a country where your social life and even your private life for that reason, is always under the scanner, being born as a male or female really does make a difference. The life of a female in my country is really difficult. If she happens to have well defined psychical assets, she cannot walk about in the public with out ducking at least a couple of wicked, vul...

This is not the first time someone's telling me that my taste for things are ancient. Yesterday, my boss was commenting on my taste for music. I was playing ' Carpenters ' at the office and he walks in to feel transported to an age he long forgot. He stands there mesmerised by the voice of Karen and taps his heels to the tunes of Richard's piano. He stands there lost in a musical reverie only to shrug himself out of it and say, "My God, this guy... I can't believe someone still listens to Carpenters!" I felt very happy at his words as I don't find too many people who shares my taste for music. But my joy was short lived. "Why do you keep listening to such old stuff? You should be listening to 'Black Eyed Peas ' and the kind", he says. I don't understand this. Why should my age be a criteria to decide what kind of music I listen to? I've always loved soft rock, pop and blues and the kind. Heavy metals and rap music make...

Faith is not belief without proof but trust without reservation. True joy lies in loving and not being loved. Love is not the game for cowards (moral cowards, I mean). Well, if you're one and still dare to venture into t he arena of Love game, you ought to hurt someone or get yourself hurt. Religion is to Fanaticism and God is to Spirituality. The choice is yours. 

Ah! To begin with, I must admit that I feel a lot relieved and am breathing fresh air again. The last two weeks had been an emotionally unstable one. I feel too high one day only to wake up feeling too down the next day. And why all this? 'coz I've been gambling with a lot of fancies, thoughts and impulses. I tried to rationalize with my fancies I have for a girl. Note the word "have" and not "had" 'coz it'd be a lie to say that I've lost those fancies completely. I still do fancy her a lot. But now, after baring my heart in front of her, all I'm left with is an empty heart, a good feeling that I could be honest to someone and of course the wistful tears of having to wake up from a very beautiful dream. I'm not too sure whether she'd be comfortable in maintaining a contact with me after listening to all that I told her yesterday. But that's ok. I can understand her predicament. After all, she's one simple, straight forward ...

C             r             E            a             T              i                V              I             T             y            G                   o                N              e             F                                       ...

I know this sounds crazy but it's true - I'm facing a creativity block! Now, I must laugh at this myself 'coz I've never been so creative all my life. I imagine myself to be creative and that's the last way to be creative. I'm unable to write too. Now, now... You might be wondering what the hell am I doing now? But look at it this way. I've been musing over a story in my head since the past two months and I haven't been able to write even a single sentence of it. I thought it was 'coz I stopped writing down anything physically. But no. That's not true. I do write in my diary once in a while. But the problem is with my language. I can't put down on a piece of paper what I get in my head. Feels as though my thoughts are in a language that I myself can't read but only understand! Now, did that make any sense? Maybe not. That's exactly what I meant. I have certain thoughts in my head and when I try to put it down on a piece of paper or ty...

I'm not too sure how much she enjoyed it? I took Tasha for a walk today. She was chasing the loose end of my trousers most of the time than she was walking. Well, this is her first day out and a prelude to the daily routine that she'd have to follow here on. She was less than two months old when I brought her home. I did buy a collar belt and a chain for her. But she being too tiny, the red, cute and studded belt proved too big for her neck. When I first tried it two weeks back she performed rather an acrobatic stunt and showed me how easily she could slip out of it. "Did she grin at me after that?". Well, I might have imagined that. Anyways, she walked around un - threatned for the past two weeks and the collar belt and chain lay on top of my almari . But her lady luck, I presume, has betrayed her. I noticed that she has grown a bit in these two weeks. Actually it was one of friends who noticed her longer legs. "Why not try the collar now?". The thought ...

Sometimes Surprises Could Be Shocking And Not So Plesant Too .

For some odd reason, the healthy fulfilling lifestyle I tried to cope up with in the past couple of months seems to be slipping out of control. One reason could be the sudden, unexpected mail from my x-g'friend after almost an year and a half. I felt extremely disturbed, rattled with her presence in my life again. But the truth is something more - I still couldn't find anything in my life to get actively involved in. And so, I still have the luxury to slip into occasional bouts of depression and wile away my time dwelling on past events and waste my time. I like my current job and I like the moments I spent in my office. The people in there, their attitude, their cordial nature and their acceptance has made a big difference in my life. They think I'm crazy, funny, immature and that I've the mind and brains of an 18 year old, all dreamy and lost. Maybe, that's the impression that I make. But that's ok. My personality, my attitude and many things about me has chan...

Oh mine! I happened to hold an Olympus DSLR in my hand today. This the first time I'm ever touching an operational DSLR. It was very different from the many times I ran my fingers along the edge of the lens of the DSLR's in showrooms where I go window shopping. I turned and tuned the lens and made the stamp pad on my office desk zoom in and out of focus. My God! The very thought of thus composing a pic with a DSLR, which I'm going to own someday makes me feel just ecstatic! Which brand would I finally choose? My good old trusted and reliable Canon? Nikon, which everyone claims to be the best among the lot out there? Olympus, like the one that I just fiddled with? Sony, the cheapest among the lot? Fuji? Or at least a Kodak, which would be my last option, and cheaper than Sony, I guess (Or, do they have DSLRs? I'm not sure.)? Or would it be a Lumix (I doubt whether they come out with DSLRs). Ah! This is another one of my long term dream! I think I'm making very slow ...

Hi! This is real fun. I took Tasha out for a ride on my bike today. Actually, she had to be taken to a vet. So, I put her in a bag and put her over the tank of my bike and zoom, we went to meet her psychian who lives 5 km away. She didn't give me any trouble at all. She was all to happy to sit there and she enjoyed the evening breeze on her face. It was a scene for many of the other motorists - a guy riding with a little black dog sitting on the tank of his bike, her silken black ears flapping against the gush of wind... Only if I could take a snap of it!

I know many of you might think I'm utter crazy to write something like this. But, honestly, I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I finally have a puppy. This is something I've been dreaming for since the past 8 years. Circumstances and many other factors always stood in between me and my prospective puppy. And look at the destiny or fate or whatever, I now have a puppy, Tasha, who was born on my birth day. Now, isn't that wonderful? Don't you think I can talk a bit too much about having dogs? Ok ! Now, let me come back to what I wanted to say. I see a lot of advantage about having a dog over a b'friend or a g'friend . Let's see how: Dog Vs b'friend A dog wouldn't ask for an emotional support from you. It wouldn't care whom you slept with last night. It wouldn't complain if you got drunk at the party last night. It wouldn't bother if you have another b'friend . It wouldn't ask you to marry it just ' coz you said you love it....

This is a totally new experience for me. To be attracted to someone and keep thinking about her, knowing very well what her response would be. The only saving grace is that, unlike many others, I didn't keep it in my mind for long. I did tell her what I feel for her. The tragedy is that she was more amused than excited or even angry that I fell in love with her. But this is out right crazy and I know that. I don't really know her, I don't know who her friends are, don't know her family either. And yet... Ah! But I only said I've fallen in love with her and never that I love her. This is crazy for my age. But craziness, I guess, is a part of getting attracted to the opposite sex. Reflecting on these thoughts I now realise how easy it is to fall in love. In fact this "falling in love" only means that you're overtly attracted to an aspect of a person. You need to know a person well to love him/her. I wouldn't say, you need to understand a person well....

I'll tell you the difference between looking after a baby and a pup. Babies will grow to talk - Puppies will grow to listen Babies need to be changed diapers - Puppies don't wear diapers Babies cry for everything - Puppies stare at you so expectantly for everything Babies soil your clothes and bed spreads - Puppies soil the corners of your home Babies sleep whenever they feel like - Puppies sleep at regular intervals Babies keep you busy by seeking your attention 24x7 - Puppies don't bother you much. They're happy if you spend a little time with them for playing Babies look at things with amusement - Puppies look at things with curiosity Babies can't be forced to silence - Puppies can be forced to silence Babies grow comparatively slower - Puppies grow comparatively faster Babies drool - Puppies don't drool as much Babies need to be washed daily - Puppies need to be washed once in every three days or so Babies can't be expected to be loyal once they grow up ...

I got a new black 'She' labrador who co-incidentially shares my same date of birth. Ah! And after a lot of googling, discussions and brain laundaring, I decided to call my sweet little girl, Tasha. What do you think?

These are the best movies I've ever seen: 1. Schindler's List - 9/10 2. Life's Beautiful - 8/10 3. When Harry Met Sally - 8/10 4. City Lights - 7.5/10 5. In the silence of the night - 8/10 6. Black (Hindi) - 7/10 7. Forest Gump - 6.5/10 8. Instinct - 7/10 (not the Sharon Stone flik) 9. Sandesham (Malayalam) - 8/10 10. Anbe Sivam (Tamil) - 8.5/10 11. A Wednesday (Hindi) - 6/10 12. Padayappa (Tamil) - 4.5/10 (for the sheer entertainment and good songs in it) 13. Pursuit of Happyness - 5/10 14. Casablanca - 8/10 15. Shawshank Redemption - 9/10 16. Devasuram (Malayalam) - 9/10 17. ... Can't think of more now. But the list will continue.

I can't but laugh at this. Would anyone believe me if I said I get phone calls from many of my friends at very regular intervals asking me for relationship advices. Me? Now, this is too hard for my good senses to digest 'coz I myself have been a big time looser in this regard. After my first girl friend threw me out of her life I've never been able to maintain even a decent long standing acquaintance with the women folk. I still do fancy a female's presence in my life, but frankly, I know I'm too ill equipped to handle the better of the sexes. I even said "why me" to the last one who called me a day before. "If you can't, then no one can help me in this," he said "you've been there and done that and who can enlighten me on relationships better than you?". For heaven sake, can't anyone see how lonely and desperate that I'm for a human company? This is weird. This really is getting into my head! How can I be sitting and ...

Isn't this a co-incidence that she sholud be sending me a mail and that too not many days after I was talking about our accident and stuff? This does sound wiered but it's true that we had our first decent communication after almost an year and a half. Three day back I opened my gmail to find a mail from a familiar but most unexpected person. I don't know whether I'm to say that I was completely taken aback. 'coz ever since stumbling over a piece of her writing in one of my old note books, a few days back, I've been thinking a lot about her . I even had sleepless nights and very disturbing flashes of memories. I was begening to feel very much at peace since meeting my PYT and thought that I've finally begun to move-on. But what's this? What cruel trick of fate! The mail said she had rather a tough time in the past few months trying to reconcile with what happened in the past. She says she has come to terms with a lot of things and has realised th...