I'm back...

Hi all,


I'm back. Not that I feel completely all right but the worst is over. I do not know what exactly was bothering me. I had been thinking a bit about my future, my career and then the most dreadful thing that is loneliness. All through the last week, I was feeling very gloomy, down and out. One main thing that triggered me was my apprehensions about my career. I work as a copy writer with an advertising agency in my town and I've not got any major break through since I joined this company in June. I'm someone brought up in a school of extensive writing - essays, feature articles, travelogues etc. and to convey things in a couple of sentences (couple of words even!) was something nearly close to impossible to me. I've ever been struggling and fumbling. But I was not too bothered about this as long as I enjoyed my work. But something happened a week ago. I didn't mention it then as I was not too clear about it me-self. My Creative Director happened to see some photographs taken by me and he was very much impressed by it. Now, photography is not my profession and just a fine hobby. He's aware of my difficulty with writing advertisement copies. And so he goes on to praise my skill in photography for about half hour and said I should be going out and trying my luck at photography than sitting there and writing copies. He was very genuine in what he said and I got all mixed up! The thing is, I'd love to take photography as my career but can't do it in my present financial condition. It requires an amount of investment on my part which I can't afford right now. I thought about this, thought about this... and finally some nuts and screws fell loose in my head. And along with that all the other things that were waiting for the Devil in my head to open the doors of my brain, just rushed in and wrecked havoc! I started becoming worried about just anything and everything around me. I started philosophising about the futility of human existence!!! Ha! ha! ha! And I guess, that's what every looser does in this world! Since they feel too weak to fight and their pride doesn't let them admit that they are weak, the next best thing he can do is to blame the world and make it look like one worthless, infertile land where no seeds of human efforts would ever sprout! I mean, look at the advantage of making oneself believe this. He's free of any responsibility of his actions and if he becomes a failure, it's not 'coz he didn't try enough but 'coz the world is not good enough to recognize his efforts. But if by any luck by chance he finally triumphs, he can always turn back and say, "Oh my God! What a fool I was all these years? I never knew "I" had so much in me to fight such an ugly world". Now, now, I've done that and I'm sure you've done that too at some point of your life. But believe me, that's when we truly fail. That's when we make ourselves the biggest fools in this world. 'coz we take credit for something that we never tried for and are too vain and proud to admit that our triumph was nothing but pure luck! Am I right? I do not think not too many people in here can contradict me in this. Any ways... I played my part in the usual blame game for over a week now and today morning, something seems to've struck my head from the blue and that made me see more sense in things. At least, I'm now sure about what I should be doing ahead. Yesterday I called up a professional photographer (just like that) and said I'd like him to review my photos. He agreed. Now, this means nothing. I might as well meet him, hear him talk about things new and just come back and feel depressed for another week or so. Let it be. At least I made my first move and once I do that I know there's no stopping me. I'll fight till the end even if it means a failure. But I promise not to give up without a good fight.


So friends, I'm back. And I'll soon come visiting all your lovely blogs and keep updating you about the crazy things in my life.


And let me thank all of you who showed such genuine concern for me and thanks again for all the love that was showered over me. Though I never responded then and sat stiff like a dumb duck, please know that my heart goes out to all who took the pain and time to leave such comforting words in my previous post! Thank you all and Thanks again...


With love,
Ekan

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