My strawberry pudding comes with bitter topping!
Aha! Please excuse my very erratic blog conduct. I know I'm not too regular now-a-days. And somethings did happen in the past few days and I can't thank heaven more for all this! I can't say I'm in cloud 9. I'd rather say this is the first time I've ever felt my feet on ground. This sense of calm and steady mind... Ah! I've never experienced this for ages now. But as always is with my case, my sweet puddings always comes with bitter toppings!
The biggest news is that I've quit smoking. Now, can you believe that? I bet you can't and I know it appears to early to say so 'coz it's been only 5 days since I quit smoking! But believe me or not, I'm done with that ghastly habit for this life time. No. I do not "think" so, I've rather decided so. Also, I've started a 41 days vrithm (no non veg food, no cigarettes, no drinks etc. for these 41 days). Now, HOWZAT????
Wondering how all these changes in a matter of few days? All, I'd say is that "behind the success of every man, is a woman". And yes, there's one such women in my life now. Actually she's no women. A 21 year old can hardly be called a woman! But she's simply marvelous! She's not my lover, not my sister, not my cousin, no kith or kin. But in the few days that I started talking with her, she has become all this for me. And when she asked me to quit smoking, I didn't have to think twice before I took the decision! And here I'm... haven't touched a cigarette or any alcoholic beverage for the past 5 days. And even when I crave to death to take one drag, "just one last drag" of a cigarette, all I have to do is close my eyes, take in a deep breath and think about her and that's it. No temptation seems to be strong enough to bother me anymore. I just have to think about her innocent, smiling face and I can't do a wrong thing even if I tried.
But here's the sad part of the story - I did talk about my fondness for her to a friend of mine and he said it wouldn't be proper on my side to let her know about what's in my mind. He asked me not to take any solid step towards a relationship with her simply 'coz I'm in no position to afford a girl in my life, right now. He asked me to work my way up to her; to earn her and not just propose to her and mess up things. He's right. If she says a "No" to my proposal, it's ok. But if I propose her now and she says "yes"... that'd be a through catastrophe. I'll be left to fight another lone battle. Anyways, she's only 21 and have time enough in front of her. So, why not I give myself a couple of years to build my life and then ask for her hand to her dad? I think that's the best thing to do.
And so I thought and play it meticulously. But she got the wind of my attraction for her and she started probing me on the issue. I tried my best to duck it but was caught red handed when I blurted out that "I wouldn't mind what wedding gown she'd choose to wear for "our" wedding". I mean, I never meant to say anything like that. It just slipped out of my tongue and there... The rabbit is out of the bush, now. Even happier was the news that she too had her hots for me.
Now, does that make a sweet strawberry pudding? And here's the bitter topping for it. For the past three days, she has been eating my ears about how and what all I should be doing to make my life better for the both of us and stuff like that. Now, I do appreciate her better intentions but this is ridiculous! I didn't even propose to her formally and she's already taken full charge of me. I do not wish to hurt her but I'm afraid I might have to. I'm ready to listen to her but I don't want her to be at my back telling me things to do. This is not about any ego. It's just that it gets too exhausting and ridiculous to listen to advises day in and day out and that too from someone who is supposed to be your lover!
OMG! My dear 21 year old. You're "that" person in my life after two years after my break up and I look forward to a lot of fun and happening times with you. See, I've already stopped smoking, which I never did even after the best of my friends asked me to, just 'coz you requested me to stop it. Don't you think I take this relationship seriously? Don't you think I'd work towards building my life, now that I've found a reason to do just that. I will, I WILL... Sure I will. But please stop nagging me like an old granny!
This is just one of the troubles. There are others... like 'coz of her love for me, she wants me to stay focused on building my life and career and for that (it seems) that we need to stay apart for a couple of years and there needn't be even telephonic conversations! My God! I like her and it's true. But I hardly know her. How am I going to wait for a person without even knowing that person? How am I going to sustain a relationship without interacting with her? She says we can do that even after two years! MY GOOD LORD... Gr... Hm... Ok. So that's my strawberry pudding with some real bitter toppings. And the funnier part is that I still like to have the pudding!
