The Truth About Me-self

Now, why am I writing this? This is a figment of a past that's dead and gone. No. I was not sitting and brooding over it. The memory of this event forced its way back into my mind. All I did was take an old note book from my shelf to tear off the side of a page to write down a phone number being dictated to me by one of my friends over the phone. And what did I see? A familiar hand writing? Yes, it indeed was a familiar script. Something that she wrote on my book a couple of years back, sitting on her bed in her flat and me sitting on the floor at the other end of the bed. And it goes like this: I was observing your face suddenly I noticed those scars on your eye brow and cheek and my mind went back to that day when you were on my lap, you bleeding your head and face smeared in blood and you were groaning so badly. Suddenly I felt as if I wanted to hug you to my chest, keep you there forever so that you'd never be in any sort of danger. I love you so much XXXX, I don't kno...

When the phone bell rang and I saw her name flashing on the screen, I missed a heart beat, I guess. Or was it two and one more? I knew I always wished to hear her voice, and all the more that day. But this was a surprise I've been wishing for a long time. I let it ring for a while before I picked it up. Kept gazing at her name on the screen. I answered the call with a kiss as silent as silence could be. I didn't want her to know... "Hello..." Ah! That sound sank into my soul. "Hello..." What did we talk? The 10 or odd minutes seemed like eternity. I'd rather call it "sweet nothings". Does she know about all this? I dare not to let her know. 'coz I fear I may loose a good friend. To me, a girl of my fancy is as much a friend. But people seldom understand that. "How can your girl friend be your friend?" Oh no. A girl friend is a friend who is a girl. Why should it have a different meaning? And I don't know my "PYT" too...

The college campus no longer held the familiar atmosphere when I walked in there. New walls have been raised and the air was laden with the smell of fresh paint. It looked like a tomb of my past... our past... It was in front of this library that I stood gazing at her for an eternity. It was under this tree that we spent many of the afternoon sessions, sharing "sweet nothings". It was in front of this computer lab that we sat and made plans for our future. It was in front of this big old tree (I don't know what tree it is) that I first said "Hai" to Govind. It was this paved road which we used to walk, sharing things about our lives, sharing ideas, our anxieties. It was in this campus, the four walls of protection within which, the three of us shared our dreams. We believed we were all travellers in the same journey of life. We believed we were destined to be together all through our lives (Or maybe it was only me who had such lofty notions)... But destiny had o...

OMG! I'm so completly loosing my mind here. All those sweet love songs are playing in my mind again. From those number of songs in my heart I wish I could sing this one for her... in her ears! All my life was a paper once plain, pure and white Till you moved with your pen changin' moods now and then Till the balance was right Then you added some music, ev'ry note was in place And anybody could see all the changes in me by the look on my face And you decorated my life, created a world where dreams area apart And you decorated my life by paintin' your love all over my heart You decorated my life Like a rhyme with no reason, in an unfinished song There was no harmony life meant nothin' to me, until you cam along And you brought out the colors, what a gentle surprise Now I'm able to see all the things life can be shinin' soft in your eyes And you decorated my life, created a world where dreams are a part And you decorated my life by paintin' your love all ov...

Yesterday while I was riding back home from one of my friend's house, there was this man, dark, balding, short and probably in his mid 40-s, showing his thump to every other motorbike that passed him. It was almost three quarters past 11 at night and the last town bus would have passed by around 11. I could understand his predicament 'coz I had been in his position many times in my past before I owned a motorbike for myself. And it used to be only rarely when someone took pity at my situation and offered me a lift. I didn't have to think twice before I offered to help him. Well, I'm aware of the dangers of such human helps. I have heard too many of bizarre happenings that had happened to people who thought themselves to be good samaritans, from the news daily and otherwise. Anyways... Overwhelmed by gratitude he confessed that he was a little drunk. I said it was alright. He then asked me whether I was married? I said I was not old enough to get married. H...

(This one is actually dated 4\4\2008) I feel like reaching out to a hundred faceless strangers and find among them the one face that is familiar, the one that I lost, and the one that’s engraved in my mind, the one that I love the most… I feel like singing a song, the song for which there are no words written ever, the song that has never been composed, and the song that will tell of the pain (or is it something else?) in my heart… I feel like painting a picture, the one that can never be painted with any colours known, the one which can not be defined by any lines or curves, the one that I alone can paint and yet I cannot… I feel like traveling through a country side, the country side which no country has, the country side with trees but no trees on both sides, the one which leads to a mountain which is not there, the one which has a pond by its side but with water and no water in it… Oh! My heart aches… it really aches like I’ve never known before… Feels like there’s a struggle in me...

This is about that little kid whose name is Chinmaya. She is 2 & half years old and she lived with her parents and grandparents in the ground floor of the two storied house in which my sister lived with her colleagues. In fact it’s not Chinmaya who lived in my sister’s house but the other way around. (I mean, she is gon’a inherit that house some day, isn’t she?). Well, but Chinmaya is unaware of the little fortunes that the future has in store for her. Not just these but she’s unaware of one more thing – something that’s a cause for severe discord in the supposedly adult world. And what’s that??? She’s bilingual and that too without her own knowledge. Being born in a border District called Mangalore, Karnataka, India, she has been exposed to two languages- Kannada which is the native tongue of Karnataka and Malayalam which the lingua of the native Keralities are used to. And when she speaks she often weaves both these languages in one intricate thread to construct her sentences. Fo...

Now, now... Whatever you think about this picture wouldn't be just right.

Now, this is something to be put down in words for sure. It was exciting, enthralling, it was hot, sexy... Ok. To begin with I had a particularly tiring day at office last week. After the office hours I had to run around the city for getting my grandma a particular medicine for her rhumaticism. I had to hop from one chemist to another untill I got the medicine from the 13th chemist I visited. It was 11 at night when I finally reached home. I took my dinner and straight away slumped down on my bed. I lay awake listening to the love songs of Kenny Rogers and God knows when I slipped into sleep. And then... I was wandering aimlessly in a water world. There was no life in that ocean green world around me except for the green-green aquatic plants. The place was aesthetically made with marble statues of greek gods and goddesses and also marble benches. And then... Suddenly I saw this damsel, snow white, blonde... in a jade green printed bikini swimming towards me from nowhere. I couldn't...

This is my real life incident of how a dog, my good friend, managed to make me break my vrith (keeping oneself away from rajogunas like alcohol, non vegetarian, cigarettes, sex etc. for a definite time period; usually done as a religious ritual). To begin with, I was getting bored with the routine activities and was thinking of making a difference in my life. And I didn't have to think twice before taking this vrith when someone in my office told me about it. And so I went to a temple, did all the pujas and started my vrith . I need to confess that it got broken the next day when I lit up a cigarette out of sheer desperation. Yet I managed to keep myself away from the rest, no matter how difficult it was. Today I went to a tea stall that I occasionally visit because the shop keeper served me food and tea for no charge once when I was penniless. There's one more reason for me to visit that shop every now and then. I happened to befriend a dog there which happens to be a very ...

Leave me alone... I know you're loyal. I know you care. I know you have died a 1000 deaths for me, in my hands... But dear friend, you're killing me. In your efforts to give me company in my lonely hours and sooth me off my pains, you're taking away a day of my dear life everytime you burn to ashes for me. Now, is that good, though we love each other and find great comfort in being there for the other? Look at it dear one, death is laughing all the way to heaven everytime you burn in pain for me... Isn't it time we parted ways? Isn't it time that we said "Good bye" to one another? I know, it's much easier said than done. I know the agony of parting ways with dear ones. I'll miss you and miss you like hell. Everyday's going to be lonelier... But for God's sake... Just leave me alone...