I'm a writer but to what good?

Once I had two cute kittens -- two very playful and cute kittens.

One day, when I returned from office, I saw the two of them run over by some vehicle.

One was already dead and the other was still breathing but it's guts were out and I was sure I could not save it.

I mean, they were two very cute kittens -- about two months old.

It was about 11.00 pm and there was none around, and I took the dead one and threw it's body in a nearby gutter.

I came back to attend to the second one -- it was breathing hard and I knew it was nearing it's end too.

I didn't know what to do. I just sat near it and saw it taking deep breaths -- it's last ones.

I couldn't stand it die just like that in front of me but I also knew that I couldn't do anything more to help it.

In my town emergency vetrinary service is NILL and even if I take it to the nearby Govt. Vetrinary Hospital, which closes by 6.00 pm, the doors would be just closed, and if I say I've an orphaned kitten to rescue, they'd just laugh at me.

Just like there's no value for a human life here, there's even less people who thinks that even animals like cats, dogs and others have a life too.

Of course, there're the self-proclamied PAF (People for Animals) members but they don't seem to care for any other animals other than the dogs or elephants.

And after considering all these, I thought I could take a rather hard decision -- to kill the suffering kitten, just to relieve it from it's pain.

I caught it's neck between by index and and middle finger of my right arm and tried to choke it to death.

It was hard for me to give much pressure 'coz in my eyes it's still a baby...

But I tried -- my only intention was to relieve it of it's pain.

As I pressed a little harder, I saw it taking in deeper breaths but I kept pressing.

And then it suddenly dawned on me -- maybe the kitten deserves to take in a few more of breaths in this world.

Who am I to decide?

I'm no one to judge who should share the oxygen in this Earth with me.

And who am I to show such mercy?

If I couldn't protect, then who am I to...

I just took the half-alive kitten and got down the gutter and placed it near it's dead sibling -- to let it die it's 'natural' death.

In those few moments I became a human, a monster, an animal... Whatever you'd like to call it.

Am I a coward?

Once -- long, long ago -- I wanted to be a vetrinary doctor and my family was dead against it, and so I took up English literature but to what good, I don't know.

Maybe... At least I can write about it all.