Hopeless

I finally got a job after nearly 8 months of waiting. It's not a job I was really looking forward to. It's a call center job where I'll have to sell pet insurance to people in the UK. I've never done sales before and the few times I tried, I wasn't too successful either. Nevertheless, it's the only job I could find and I'll have to take it up. I can't just go on borrowing money and feel stupid in front of others.

Whatever said and done, I still am not feeling too good. For long I tried to fight my depression and the last couple of months I just lost it. I started doing all weird and odd stuff - getting drunk, calling up people and talking rubbish to them. The simple reason being that I was going quite nutty sitting alone at home with no one to talk to or share anything with. I still am not sure how far into the pit of depression I fell, or how much I've managed to cling on to the edges.

All I feel now a days is just this emptiness. I'm tired of fighting, arguing, reasoning... All I know is that I'm still very irritable and can get provoked quite easily. And I'm emotionally very tired.

I can see that through the past six years of my professional life, I've managed to make more enemies than friends. Also, I've not been able to do anything significant in my career either. I've been skimming through and never made a name for myself. I still feel like I've a lot to learn but also that I'm quite mentally blocked to take up any more new lessons in life.

There's this constant feeling in me that the road is soon coming to an end and I've no more turns to take.