Evolution or Transformation?

I know it's been a long, long while. I know I've got not the usual friends here. I know I've kept away from all of you for so long and I've been way too erratic for anyone to take notice anymore. But ye, I've come to a point in my life where I've begun to accept that a man's life is destined to be alone.

I'm back in the city of Bangalore after I left it in 2008. It's not like before. I was surprised to find a lot of people welcoming me here. It felt good, needless to say. Not that everything's fine but ye this is more than what I could have asked for - a challenging job, nice people around, old friends whom I thought I lost forever...

Then why this post? What was my need to reach out to you all again (though it's not practically going to happen).

As I was discussing with an old friend whom I met a couple of days back, my life took a rather unexpected turn ever since I left school. It lead me through uncharted terrains and I, on my behalf, was crazy enough to take all those by-lanes with a sign board saying 'dangerous'. I was young and was thrilled to do the un-doable. I had and still has an uncontrollable adrenalin rush in my blood to risk everything in my life. Looking back, I can see it was all crazy and in the mean time exciting too.

My biggest ambition in life was to live a life without any regrets and I made more mistakes in life than what was expected of me. And do I regret? I do not know. There is a vague sense of lose of something I can't figure out. I can see that the paths that I took has changed me as a person. As my friends from my school put it, people change with time; they evolve but I have transformed into a completely new person. In the exact words of my good old friend: "It's like you had a split personality and now the second person in you has taken over the one we knew!"

I felt like breaking down and crying when he said that but then on second thoughts, it was not deliberate on my part. And yes, I do agree with his words 'coz I myself cannot relate with the person that I was 10 years ago. There's so much of change - phenomenal ones. And I cannot return to being the old person either. All I know is that the old Ekan was loved by many; there were many who admired me but the new one is just another common crazy bloke. People get amused by me but they respect me no more and I know that for a fact. And I'm the only one to be blamed (if it is anything blame worthy) for that change and I've come so far and crossed too many junctions in life that I can't trace my journey back now.

I always thought I evolved as a person. But now I have reasons to believe that it was not evolution that happened with me but transformation! Is it for good or bad, only time can answer that.

Wise men say life always gives you a second chance. Will I get one? Or did I already had it and missed it? Have I reached a point of no return? I do not know!

Comments

Brian Miller said…
i think each choice we make shapes who we are becoming...and we are always transforming...i think you are the only one as well that can answer if you are better off now or not...are you missing anything you had before?
Ekanthapadhikan said…
Do I miss anything I had before? I can't say. I do not seem to relate with anything I had before. It's like I'm born again in a new world and there're only patches of memories from my past.
A Heron's View said…
Life is a pathway that twists and turns through many terrains and we learn at each step of the way - have fun and love yourself :)
Ekanthapadhikan said…
@ A Heron's View: Thanks friend!
Ammose said…
Experiences are to make you grow stronger and as a better person. There is lot that would come your way - good and bad. Its upto us to decide on how to accept them and move forward. I believe you are a great person and can win an awesome life for yourselves :-).
Ekanthapadhikan said…
@Ammose: Thanks for the time you spent reading my post and I appreciate your response. Thank you friend.