Lost, found and lost again...

It's an endless game, I suppose.

When I had my first break-up, I was determined never to fall in love again. And then I meet this angel of a girl who was more than willing to be my lady love. We got along and it was all fine except that her family was dead against it. I had no clue as to why anyone would say such a big 'NO' to our relationship. We ignored the obstacles and went ahead.

I don't know when but at some point in time, she started avoiding me. No. I'm sure it was not because she loved me any lesser. But she couldn't fight against all the odds at her home - the alienation, the frequent quarrels at home... and then her own anticipations about her career and future. I can see how trapped she must have felt. After all, she is a girl in this society and she has her LIMITS.

The reason for her family's objection to our relationship was something that still quiz my senses. As if like a ridiculous fate, even before we got along, they had a very bad opinion about me. They blamed me for all the wrong reasons. They over heard a fight I had with my first girl friend over the phone and I don't know how but they mistook me for calling my mom names! The only two people in this world I've ever sworn at are my maternal uncle and my first girl friend. And I don't regret it because they deserve to be sworn at.

And a second reason is something even more ridiculous. No, I don't wish to say what it is but know that it is the most bizarre thing anyone could have cooked up about me. I still have no clue as to how they conjured up all those opinions about me. I'm deeply hurt.

In spite of all this, I still kept a hope that she, who know the truths about me, will keep to my side. But... After a long silence, I had to call her for her to tell me that we have broken up! It was a real heart-breaking moment for me. I know, it is and has never been her fault. It's not her parent's fault either. It's a ridiculous fate that played the spoil sport.

Who can I blame for all this?

All I know is that my heart now bleeds. Unlike before, I don't freak out or get drunk... Maybe, it's my age that has made me a little more matured. Nevertheless, the pain is the same.

I long to hear her voice again. I long to set my eyes on her face again. She's a darling angel and no reasons will ever convince me about this loss.



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