The Truth About Me-self

 I see that my last post was on June 25, 2018. And why didn't I write anything after that? Well, it's not just about a blog post but I haven't actually written anything after that. And today is January 13, 2022, and why am I writing now? Why didn't I write anything for so long? I've no explanations. If you check my blog posts, you will see that I was a prolific writer in the beginning and then it just kept tapering out. I lost focus, inspiration... Nothing in my life seems to evoke any inspiration in me anymore. I've become a prisoner of my own making. I've shackled myself to so many things that I find it very difficult to break away from it anymore. At the same time, I also realise that it's all futile. So many things happened in my life in the past few years which kept me busy, distracted, unfocused... Divorce, both my grandparents passing away, me being unsuccessful to grow in my career though I'm in a steady job for more than two years now, the g...

Once I had two cute kittens -- two very playful and cute kittens. One day, when I returned from office, I saw the two of them run over by some vehicle. One was already dead and the other was still breathing but it's guts were out and I was sure I could not save it. I mean, they were two very cute kittens -- about two months old. It was about 11.00 pm and there was none around, and I took the dead one and threw it's body in a nearby gutter. I came back to attend to the second one -- it was breathing hard and I knew it was nearing it's end too. I didn't know what to do. I just sat near it and saw it taking deep breaths -- it's last ones. I couldn't stand it die just like that in front of me but I also knew that I couldn't do anything more to help it. In my town emergency vetrinary service is NILL and even if I take it to the nearby Govt. Vetrinary Hospital, which closes by 6.00 pm, the doors would be just closed, and if I say I've an orphaned kitte...

I don't know why I'm writing about this now as this happened a decade ago - back in 2007, or perhaps in the first half of 2008. I was staying in Bengaluru then and my girlfriend was studying in Chennai. She was new in Chennai and was finding it hard to fit in, she coming from a small town like Thiruvananthapuram. We used to correspond every evening when we were free and this particular day she sounded very dull. I asked her what happened and she said she's finding it too difficult to cope up and that she just wanted to quit and go back. I tried consoling her but she nearly broke down and started crying. That's when I said I'd go down and meet her the next day. She was surprised. It was almost 9.00 pm and I was promising her of meeting the next day. She asked me how I'm going to make it. I asked her not to worry about me but to get a good sleep and wait for me the next day morning. Well, I packed my bag and borrowed Rs. 200 from my roommate as I was running...

I'm always bestired by this thought that the Earth and the human race is not as alone in this Universe as we think it is. And what more -- I do believe in the existence of parralel Universes. But sorry I'm not a science geek or even a science student. I've no proofs for what I believe in. I'm just a compulsive dreamer who happens to have a gift for words to say what I think about. What I'm, what I think is a different matter... But if my belief is true about parallel Universes and other species existing beyond Earth... I'm also led to believe that these other beings are the protectors of Earth -- That they have defended and protected this Earth very effectively so far, even while we've been destroying it through the ages in every possible manner. So are these extra-terestrials that we refer to as Gods? Even if they're I'd bet my very fragile life up on it and say that their actual names , if they ever have one, are not Shiva, Jesus or anything...

One one-side, we talk about women empowerment, about not objectifying women, about not considering women only the basis of their looks but also as intelligent, smart and successful beings equal to men, and yet we celebrate beauty pageant of women of all ages, sizes and shapes! And what are these women - Rocket scientists? Surgeons? Accomplished academicians? Diplomats? What do they do after winning in these 'beauty' competitions other than trying their luck in cinema, getting involved in 'social' and 'charity' works and launching their own line of fashion boutiques, and (lately) even getting into politics and become our ministers? What's the actual message here? Confusing!

Never have I felt so down and insulted. Someone who doesn't even know how tags in a web post works is my senior and she has had a distaste for me from the beginning. Honestly, touching my heart, I can say that I've done nothing or spoken nothing to offend her till date. My only mistake - Unlike others, I behave a little aloof and I don't mingle much. I do take French leaves at office but whenever I'm there, I behave most professionally. I used to be very friendly with my seniors in my past job but I had to pay the price for it, even with my job. Now, I just go to office, do what's assigned to me, extend my time there if there's a need and then retreat to myself after office. Where am I going wrong? Why am I getting stuck with the wrong kind of people always? Something in me tells me that I need a drastic change but I can't figure out what about me that needs to be changed. But I know this one thing for sure that if that change is made, I'd be mu...

I'm a chronic insomniac and tonight my insomnia has doubled up as it has a reason - it's hardly 32 hours since I'd get married, and that too, to a girl I couldn't have even dreamed of in my wildest dreams! She keeps repeating that she's not a beautiful girl, but to me she's the most wonderful woman I've ever come across -- she's my Wonder Woman! She's kind, helpful, realistic, accommodating, strong, no nonsense (except with me because she likes to fool around me), sensitive, careful, caring, ready to take charge if the situation calls for it, ready to call a spade a spade, strong willed yet tender, passionate and most of all as loving as loving could be... I could just keep on adding adjectives here but that still wouldn't define her completely. I know I could be mocked at for showering a girl with such praise when I've known her only for hardly three and half months. Also because in these three and half months, we've seen each ...

Good news. Getting married finally! The dream date is December 31!

This is going to be quite a long post and I warn anyone who is averse of long posts in Facebook to proceed any further: I'm quite saddened to see many people knowingly or unknowingly repeating the 70-year tragedy of India, which was directly and indirectly fed to them. I mean what did go wrong in all these 70 years which is now being corrected? By just highlighting the corruption of the past two terms of a corrupt Congress, how can anyone say, any of their predecessors did anything wrong? My knowledge of history of India before Rajeev Gandhi is not that strong. To be honest, I was neither interested in politics nor was I aware of the political developments in India up until lately. I was not involved in politics in my college days. I was just an amused observer and I've seen what unhealthy politics does to people involved in it. SFI was strong in our campus and the neighbouring campus was an ABVP bastion. I've seen some of ...

BJP has found a new hobby - trying to, but in vain, project Kerala as a state in utter communal disorder, political violence, and where people die because of malnutrition etc. etc. etc. They even once compared Kerala with Somalia! And then they paraded their Union Cabinet ministers to Kerala and made them tell us how deprived and affected we are. To a point, they became successful in trying to create a terror atmosphere in the state, I agree, but all this exercise for what? In the last Lok Sabha election, the BJP managed to secure just one seat in Kerala and that too because it was a much respected O Rajagopal contesting for it. I for one, though I punched NOTA, I did wish he won in his constituency. No Communists or the Congress men would ever talk ill of O Rajagopal because despite him being an RSS in his youth and later a BJP leader, he's a man with some basic qualities that can be appreciated. We consider him in the league with BJP's own AB Vajpayee, who once w...

Recently, one of my Facebook friends was wondering how it'd be to make an Indian epic movie of the 18-day Kurukshetra War of the 'Mahabharata', after watching the Academy Award winning movie 'Troy'. Well, it's any movie maker's dream but it's nearly an impossible dream considering the fact that the Kurukshetra War cannot be separated from the epic itself and presented independently, and the 18-day event involves numerous plots and sub plots and a fleet of never ending characters that is almost impossible to be justified within the premise of a 2-hour, or say even a 3.5-hour long movie. The best you can do is make a 3-hour long trilogy series like the 'Lord of the Rings', or perhaps a series of four or five movies like the 'Star Wars', but still there are challenges more than the money involved - time and availability of the artists. For one thing, this cannot be made using artists from any one of the Indian film industry. Artists f...

I think, and I pray that this is the last time I use Facebook to openly talk about anything political or religious because when I look around, majority of my friends seldom use this platform to express any of their views which are personal to them, and I think they have a point. Never the less, as the last post expressing my political and religious thoughts, I must say this: Statutory warning: People who don't have the habit of reading or are averse to long Facebook posts can stop here. I was born into a fairly religious Hindu family and my father was a huge Shiva bhakta. In fact, he used to have a Shiva Linga in our pooja room on which he'd religiously do poojas every single morning without fail for nearly two hours and I, as a child grew up plucking flowers for his poojas and worshiping my father more than the Shiva Linga in our pooja room. Now don't mistake us to be some Brahmin family. No. My father just happened to be attracted to the idea of Shiva. He used ...

The recent campaign to say no to all Chinese products in India because we have a border issue with them... If that has to be followed, we Indians would end up throwing all electronic goods at our home including our mobile phones, TVs, washing machines and what not? I mean, even if you have an Onida TV at home, you can disassemble it and see that one of the parts, of the TV, or the TV itself would have a sticker that says "Made in China." I can at least talk about those who own the latest, most advanced and feature-rich mobile handsets. iPhone is supposed to be American but you's see a sticker in it saying "Made in China." Samsung is Korean but you's see a sticker in it saying "Made in China." Panasonic and Sony are originally Japanese companies but you'd see the same sticker on them. Bosch and Siemens are German, Whirlpool is American, and LG -- again a Korean company, but in India, they all carry the sticker of "Made in Chi...

I'm a journalist and a secular minded person, and it personally hurts me when anyone utters the new found words "Sickular" and "Presstitue." The word "Prestitute" annoys me the most because it carries with it the very core of the dastardly patriarchal tendency we all secretly hide within ourselves. Why should be a journalist whom you cannot agree with be termed a "prestitute" and not anything else? Why isn't this term used against journalists in the US or any other European countries? And why is anyone who is not against Hindu culture but against Hinduising the entire community just like what Hitler tried to do by mass massacring Jews, called, a 'Sickular'? I'm against the current trend of 'sensation mongering' journalism, as much as I'm against religious conversions -- I mean why would a Church ask a hungry man whether he'd convert to Christianity if the Church could feed him? The moment you ask for...

This is one-of-a-kind of a celebrity interview. Unlike many who says this was the ultimate from-the-heart interview, I consider this the worst interview ever, and against any media ethics. I mean, the girl was on a high, though she spoke her heart out. You can even see her smoking a hokkah and she was talking in an intoxicated state of mind, and you can even see the interviewer encouraging her. I mean, is this supposed to be a media interview. I can understand if this was a personal conversation between them? I've nothing against what she said, but I'd have applauded if this was a proper interview. Thinking again, what's a proper interview? But is this an example of it? Or, as the many scripted 'reality shows' go, was this also a rehearsed one? Of course Parvathy is a good actress and I like her too!

I'm not too old to say this but I guess I'm old enough not to be able to do these things anymore. Five regrets I'll take to my grave: Not being able to learn to swim. Not being able to stand my ground and fight all adversities and take up the academic course of my choice, which was veterinary science. Not being able to train under the Indian military. Not training in music with focus. Not excelling in any sports (I think I used to be a fairly good spin bowler in my school days. At least, that's how I imagine I was then but I haven't played cricket for like ages.)

I had hate and I wanted to kill my enemy, his family, his friends, neighbours, allies and everyone who supported him. My hate for him was justified because he killed as my dear and near ones. I was looking for an opportunity to destroy him and everything that was his too but I had no means until I got the power of 'parakaya pravesham', the mystic art or the knowledge of dominating another person's soul or living in another person's body. What better way to take revenge? What better a way to destroy my enemy's life? I can wreck havoc in his day today life... I became him and waited for the right opportunity to strike but... I got a different mother who prepared meals for me with much love just like my mother used to do. I got different brothers and sisters who love me as the brothers and sisters that I had. I got a gang of friends who would hang out with me, tease me, and be with me in my hard times... Now with all the love and care I get from the kith and ...

Forgive my ignorance on the subject of finance and for the same reason about the true implications of GST also, but with an agro-majority India going through one of the worst agrarian crisis, and the banking sector, including the RBI still struggling to sort out the issues caused by the overnight note-ban -- was our economy actually ready for a hasty GST roll-out, no matter how brilliant an economical revolution it can unleash in days to come? I'm still referring to the note-ban crisis because the other day I was at my bank to deposit a cheque and the person in the queue in front of me was withdrawing money and I'd recreate the dialogue that happened between them: "In what what denominations should I pay you sir," asked the teller. "In 500s and 100s, please" "Can I include a few Rs. 2000 notes?" "Please don't. I can't get it changed outside." Now, as I overheard, the man was withdrawing about Rs. 15,000, and I'm sure ...

Biggest joke of the year, at least until now -- Yogi Adityanath's government completes 100 days in power in UP, and he himself evaluates his governance and gives 100/100 for himself! Wow! What did improve in UP than shutting down slaughter houses and stopping 'bapujis' of government offices from chewing beetle leaves and spitting around? Working in a media firm, I hear at least a couple of reports of gang rapes or someone getting killed in broad daylight in UP by cow vigilantes. I'm not saying UP has become worse after Yogi but if this was the situation even before, what did actually improve there if the women, children and some men just because they belong to Islam by faith are not safe in that state still? And one of the highlights projected by the Yogi was the success of the unofficial (maybe official) anti-Romeo squads for the protection of women in the state! REALLY? Ever since then we've had more and more YouTube videos of some unruly uncouth ga...

My search for 'Siva' or 'Sivam' continues... I must tell you - among the Hindu trinity, Lord Siva has the most intriguing characteristics. It is said that the three lords viz. Brahma, Vishnu and Maheswara (Siva) takes care of the three parameters of existence or mortality viz. birth, life and death respectively. No one ever talks about Brahma, the God of bringing life, and I think it's pretty much understandable because you can talk only if you're born and that purpose is already served. Then comes the constant argument, 'spiritually' scholarly debates and more as to who among the other two is the greatest of the Gods. There are people who lean towards Vishnu by worshiping him in his 10 different avatars, and then there are the clueless Siva seekers who have this gut feeling that there is more than what the senses can perceive about Siva but cannot dine out a winning argument. I'm one among the latter. I must warn you that the following is ...